Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
