So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
