Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
