you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
