Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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