Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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