So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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