WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
