I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
