Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
