I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
