You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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