i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
