i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
