Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
