I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
