weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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