I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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