I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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