i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
