There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
