Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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