Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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