fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
