Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
