Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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