Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize