Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
