Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
