you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
