I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
