did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
pray to the hookup gods
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
