Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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