I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
