So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
