Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
