Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
