My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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