i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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