okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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