haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
