I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
