Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
