First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
