Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
