peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
pray to the hookup gods
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
