we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
