i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
