I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
