I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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