Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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