i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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