OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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