Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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