i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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