We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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