so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
