Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
