i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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