Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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