You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
