is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
