Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
