I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
