I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
