I'm gonna have a badass scar
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
