I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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