the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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