it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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