I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize