why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
