so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize